


Down the memory lane

by oreob1tch



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:07:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21940189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oreob1tch/pseuds/oreob1tch
Summary: And that’s where his ordinary day goes downhill. From a forgotten lunch to bumping into someone way too familiar while he’s trying to reach for his coffee and a sandwich in a local café.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho/Kim Hongjoong
Comments: 7
Kudos: 128





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn’t supposed to be divided into parts but I’m too unhappy with the other half so.., enjoy?

It is an ordinary day for Yunho. Morning workout, quick breakfast, then sprinting to work because he’s going to be late. Not much has changed in the past eight years since he started working for the company.

Ordinary day continues, bunch of paperwork to go through, bunch of calls and emails to deal with. He’s used to it and while it might be boring and exhausting, it’s what he knows, what he’s good at and what he pays his bills.

For the past four years, he’s always brought his lunch from home, then heated it up in the break room while replying to his personal emails and text messages. After all, he’s trying to sell his house that holds too many memories and he’s finally ready to get the hell out. However, he forgot his lunch at home and didn’t have any other choice but go out and buy something. Skipping meals is definitely not something he wants to do.

And that’s where his ordinary day goes downhill. From a forgotten lunch to bumping into someone way too familiar while he’s trying to reach for his coffee and a sandwich in a local café. 

At first, he doesn’t recognize him. Or doesn’t really look at him. But as soon as he speaks up and he hears his voice, everything comes crashing down. He almost drops his coffee because he’s that dramatic, and he looks at the man before him, smiling from ear to ear. Because there’s no reason to pretend they don’t know each other or be upset when seeking the other one. They broke up on good terms, divorced with no caused scenes or loud arguments, split ways and that was it. No hatred, no broken plates nor clothes cut in half. It was all so calm it almost got boring.

“Yunho?” His voice is still the same. High pitched but calming. Yunho remembers way too well how his voice sounded right after he woke up, how raspy it got, sending chills down Yunho’s spine every time. He also remembers how annoying it was when he was _asleep_ and snored. Yet, he learned to love it just like everything about him. And now he’s staring at his ex husband as if he’s never seen him before. 

He looked a little different. But it’s also been four years since the divorce and that’s a long, long time. His hair is brown, his natural color, a color that Yunho didn’t get to see much during their marriage because Hongjoong liked to dye his hair all sorts of colors. Yunho’s personal favorite was red. The night he came home with fire red hair, Yunho spent countless minutes tugging on it as Hongjoong sucked-

“Oh, Hongjoong-ssi! Hi!” He smiles back at him. The older man sits down at one of the tables and gestures at Yunho to sit down as well, so he does.

“Oh fuck off with that _Hongjoong-ssi_ crap! I’m your hyung!” He hasn’t changed. Yunho keeps staring at his face and the other man notices, wiping his mouth. “Is there something on my face? It is, isn’t it?” Yunho shakes his head and looks down on his hands squeezing that poor sandwich, leaving finger shaped indents in the bread. 

“You’re okay, hyung.” There’s an awkward silence for few seconds before Hongjoong clears his throat. “You look good.”

“So do you,” he blurts out immediately and squeezes that poor bread even harder, there’s only so much the saran wrap can take. “Uh, it’s my lunch break, so I don’t have that much time..”

“Oh,” Hongjoong’s smile falters for a moment. If Yunho wasn’t paying attention, he wouldn’t notice. “Do you still work at..?”

“Yeah.” More awkward silence. “Wanna.. wanna walk with me?”

“I’d love to.” 

Yunho takes his wrinkled sandwich and his cup of coffee and together, they walk out. The weather is nice, spring is finally showing itself in its true colors and Yunho feels it, quite literally, as the need to sneeze tickles in his nose. 

After all these years, he still wants to take Hongjoong’s hand and feel his warmth. There are no feelings, not anymore, it’s more of a habit that he just can’t get rid of. 

“I thought you moved to the States,” he says as they’re getting closer to the company building. Hongjoong shrugs. “I lived there, yeah, for about three and a half years. I’ve been back in Seoul for few months now.”

“What made you come back?” They stop and the older tugs on Yunho’s sleeve so that they can sit down on one of the benches. 

“It’s a long story, but one that I don’t mind sharing. If you wanna hear it, that is.” And Yunho wants to. He wants to know about his time in California, he wants to hear about all the exciting things he’s done, wants to know what made him come back. They agreed to stay friends. And this what friends do, they care.

“Let’s hang out tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at eight and we can catch up! I want to hear about everything that happened in the past four years!”

Yunho nods and smiles. Hongjoong hands him his phone. “Give me your phone number and your address so that I can pick you up!” The taller of the two pushes the phone away from him, back to Hongjoong. “My number is still the same. So is the address. I live in our- my old house.” Hongjoong nods slowly. 

“Got it. I’ll text you then. I think i still remember your number.” It shouldn’t make Yunho feel this warm, but it does. The older has always had problems with remembering things; like buying groceries, times they were supposed to meet up, their anniversaries… if he still remembers something so unimportant like his number, it’s kind of a big thing. 

“Cool. See you tomorrow, then.” He wants to leave right away but Hongjoong grabs his wrist as soon as he stands up. Then he spreads his arms and they hug and Yunho’s chest clenches at the familiarity of it.

As they part ways, Yunho subtly checks Hongjoong’s behind which is just as nice as it has always been. Then, he finally walks back into his office, the coffee now cold and his sandwich a mushed mess. It doesn’t bother him though. He drinks his beverage cold and stuff his face anyway, smiling to himself because the day turned out to be just fine, after all, even if his heart hurts a little. His coworkers notice and Jiwon points it out. “You’re all smiley, Yunho oppa. Did you finally get yourself a date?”

And that’s enough to wipe the smile off of his face. It’s not a date. They’re two old friends trying to catch up and have a talk, just like friends do.

But when he gets home and sees all the places Hongjoong used to be in, all the things he used to use. He’s painfully reminded that this is the house they occupied together and the bedroom he uses is the one they shared, the bed he sleeps in used to be Hongjoong’s as well.

He needs to find a new place and sell this house as soon as possible.

****

Hongjoong picks Yunho up at eight the following evening. He looks great as ever and Yunho feels a little underdressed beside him.

He got a new car, he notices as he gets in the passenger seat. It’s big, almost like a family car. He also notices the child car seat and looks at Hongjoong questioningly. Something in his chest twists. 

“You have a child?”

“I’ll tell you everything once we get dinner, alright?”

They talk a little bit about their day and Hongjoong seems relaxed and happy. Yunho wonders if it has something to do with that child. Is it his? Does he have a girlfriend? 

As far as Yunho is aware, Hongjoong is as gay as it gets, but he also knows that sexuality can be fluid and maybe he just… isn’t into guys only. Does his partner know he’s with his ex husband?

As the car stops, he finally gets back into reality and looks out of the window. His breath hitches. “Hyung…”

“Come on, let’s eat.” It’s like he doesn’t even want to acknowledge that this is the exact restaurant they went to for their very first date. 

****

Yunho met Hongjoong in college. They both decided to get their degrees first before fulfilling their duties as Korean citizens and joining the army. They attended Advanced English class together and soon became friends. By the end of Yunho’s freshman year, he fell in love with the older and when his second year started, he finally asked his hyung out. Hongjoong chose a restaurant owned by his friend’s family and it was this restaurant where they officially became boyfriends, it was this place where Hongjoong proposed right after Yunho got back from the military… there were so many good memories connected to this place and the taller man’s heart hurts from remembering all of this.

They sit down and as the waitress walks up to them, her entire face lights up. “Hongjoong-ah! Yunho-yah! It’s been years!”

Yunho smiles at her. “Jiyeon noona! It’s so nice to finally see you again! I missed you.” The older woman frowns for a split second. “You could’ve just come here, you know. Then you wouldn’t miss me!” Then she grins just as brightly as moment before. “Are you guys back together?”

Yunho’s smile falls but not Hongjoong’s. “We’re just catching up, noona. Like the old friends we are.” Confusion crosses her face. She knows they’ve never been _friends_ ever since she met Yunho ten years ago. Then she puts her professional expression on and hands them their menus. “Tell me when you’re ready to order.”

Yunho waits until they both get their meals before finally bringing it up again. “So.. you have a child now?” He quickly looks at his left hand. “I don’t see a ring, people will talk if you don’t marry her.”

Hongjoong laughs, loud and beautiful. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Yunho, I’m gay, you know that better than anyone else.” Then he puts his chopsticks down and fishes out his phone. “Remember Jiwoo?” And Yunho does. It’s Hongjoong’s niece. She was born shortly before their divorce got finalized. “She lives with me now, I’m her guardian.” He pauses for a second. “My brother and his wife… they’re no longer able to take care of her.” His eyes get glossy and Yunho can see a tear threatening to fall. He wants to reach over and hug him. “I was in the States when it happened. My parents can no longer take care of a small, active child but if no one took her, they would put her into foster care. So I came back, took her myself, bought a house and found a job here. She’s still adjusting but she seems so much happier now.”

Hongjoong has always been very family oriented person. He loves kids and has always wanted to have their own. And while the circumstances were tragic, Yunho is glad that his dream somewhat came true. 

“I’d like you to meet her,” then he puts his phone down and slides it across the table, to Yunho. There’s a photo of Hongjoong and a little girl, Jiwoo obviously. They’re both smiling and she has chocolate all over her mouth but she looks happy. And so does his ex husband. It’s such a cute photo. 

“I’d love to meet her, too,” Yunho nods. “You two look really happy here.”

“We do, don’t we? It’s from few weeks ago, actually. I took a day off to be with her and we enjoyed the day a lot. I’m trying my best and I can tell she appreciates it.” His face softens as he takes his phone back and looks at the photo. “She reminds me of my brother a lot. Piece of him will forever be in her, it’s kind of what keeps me afloat.” With that, he finally starts eating and Yunho follows suit. The food is as good as he remembers which only brings up more memories of their past dates, when they were much younger, much more carefree and in love. The times has drastically changed, now both of them in their thirties with a lot to worry about.

“What about you, though? Any new boyfriends?” 

Yunho chokes on his rice. “Nope. I’m very much single,” he laughs and takes a big gulp of his water. Hongjoong looks at him over the thin frame of his glasses. “No one? Are you trying to tell me you’ve been single since we broke up?”

And that’s definitely not the case. Yunho has tried to move on many times. He’s has few flings here and there, because he has needs, tried dating few times, but nothing really worked out. Unfortunately, he compared everyone to Hongjoong and no one was good enough. It’s been four years yet he still feels like Hongjoong was the best that happened to him, even though they broke it off.

“I’ve had few boyfriends. But nothing really took off.” He takes a deep breath. “You? I know you’re single now but when you were in the US, did you..?”

Hongjoong nods. “Had a boyfriend for over a year. Really nice guy, reminded me of you a lot. We broke up though.”

“Why?”

“Because he wasn’t you. And I kept forgetting that. He didn’t know me like you do but I expected him to. It was nice while it lasted but it wasn’t fair to either of us.”

It is weird to know that Hongjoong kept thinking of him, too. It makes Yunho feel some sort of way but he can’t tell if it’s good or bad. 

They finish their meals in silence.

Jiyeon brings them two slices of chocolate cake and Yunho frowns. “We didn’t-“

“I know, I know,” she interrupts him. “I did. This is exactly what you had the first time you were here together, I remember it as if it was yesterday. So, just take it. On the house, for the old times’ sake.”

Hongjoong smiles at her, wide and pretty. “Thank you, noona.” Something about the way Hongjoong smiles still makes Yunho’s heart feel like it’s been torn out of his chest. It hasn’t changed one bit since they met, except now his braces are off and his teeth are way whiter than they used to be in college when he still smoked. That’s something Yunho is proud of, that he made him quit.

They dig into the cake. It’s rich and soft, better than it used to be for sure. Suddenly, Hongjoong bursts out laughing and Yunho looks up, confused. “What?”

It only made him laugh harder, his cheeks red and mouth open in silent waves of laughter. 

“Hyung.”

“You have chocolate everywhere,” he finally lets out, giggling afterwards. He reaches over and wipes the corner of Yunho’s mouth with his thumb, sticking the digit into his own mouth afterwards without thinking. A knot forms in the younger one’s guts. “And drink some water, you have it all over your teeth, too.” Yunho does just that, smiling himself.

“You’re still such a messy eater.”

“You didn’t complain when I ate your a-“

“Yunho!” His hyung squeaks out, scandalized. “That doesn’t count!” He doesn’t seem upset and Yunho is glad, he himself doesn’t know what got into him.

****

On their way home, they talk some more. About their jobs, their families, just casually catching up. When they arrive at Yunho’s house, it gets awkward for a long minute. Yunho doesn’t want this to end just yet. “Want to come in?”

“Can I?”

Yunho nods and they both get out of the car. Hongjoong explains that Jiwoo is staying with his mom for the night so he doesn’t have to hurry home but doesn’t want to bother Yunho, either.

“You’re not bothering me, if you were, I wouldn’t have invited you in.”

Hongjoong looks around once they’re in, a soft smile settled on his face. “It looks different.”

“Yeah I redesigned some things, redid some rooms.. I’m planning to sell the house soon,” Yunho admits. “It’s too big for only one person, i can get a small flat and I’ll be just fine.” Hongjoong’s smile falters. “You want to sell the house?”

“It holds too many memories, hyung. I’ve lived here for the past four years by myself and there wasn’t a day when I didn’t remember _us_. It’s too painful to stay here, even if I moved on.” Because they broke up on good terms and Hongjoong then moved to the States, they never really talked about the aftermaths of their divorce. Yunho wonders if now’s the time. “It hurt a lot in the first few months. I woke up every day and somehow expected to see you in the kitchen, waiting for me,” he admits. “I had one night stands to fill the Kim Hongjoong shaped hole in my chest, but it never ended well.”

Hongjoong looks at him with sadness in his eyes. “Trust me, I know what you mean. Way too many times I hoped to see you in bed when I came home. Way too many times I called my dates Yunho.” The strange tension that was in the air disappears after their confessions. “I’m glad it’s all good now. I’m glad I’m here and I’m glad you’re here. I missed you Yunho. We used to be best friends. I don’t want to lose that because of our foolishness.” The younger one nods. There’s a comfortable silence between them for a minute. Hongjoong then clears his throat. “I should go.”

“Yeah, you need to rest.” Yunho opens the front door for him and waits for him to walk out before leaning against the doorframe. “I enjoyed tonight. I’d like to repeat it someday.” Hongjoong nods eagerly. “Maybe I could take Jiwoo with me.”

They hug, and it’s right there and then, with armful of Hongjoong, when Yunho feels that way too familiar pull on his heart strings. It’s right there when Hongjoong gets into his car and waves at him as he drives off when Yunho realizes that the feelings never really went away, they were just hidden for the time being.

The next few days go by in a blur, just a mix of work and more attempts at selling the house. Hongjoong texts him few times but they’re both too busy to find a day when they both have time. Days turn into a week and finally, they both have a day off. Hongjoong planned a whole day trip to god knows where, he wouldn’t tell, so Yunho tries to prepare to best to his abilities. He wears something comfortable but nice enough to look good. He doesn’t want to look like trash next to Hongjoong who always looks absolutely stunning. Yunho is still pretty much in denial about his feelings for his ex husband but deep down, he knows what’s really going on.

Maybe breaking up on _good terms_ was a bad idea all along. If there were fights, screaming and tears, he’d would get over him more easily, and for good. But acting like all is good and nothing ever happened is not an option for Yunho who spend years hoping that the whole thing was just a bad dream and that his husband actually loves him. 

Noon rolls around and so does Hongjoong, arriving exactly at twelve. Yunho rushes to the car and gets into the passenger seat, smiling at Hongjoong and greeting him, before turning around as he fastens his seatbelt and grins at Jiwoo. She’s as adorable as he remembers her, dark hair up in pigtails, her eyes big and cheeks adorably round.

“Who are you?” She asks, looking back and forth from Yunho to Hongjoong.

“That’s Yunho, do you remember uncle Yunho?” Of course she doesn’t. She was a newborn when Yunho last saw her.

“Oh! He’s in the picture in your room!” She exclaims and grins at Yunho. “Hello ahjussi!” Something in Yunho’s chest moves. Hongjoong has a photo of him in his bedroom? He looks at his ex husband who shrugs and focuses on the road. But the younger man can’t stop thinking about what Jiwoo said. What’s that supposed to mean? Is he like Yunho himself, still thinking about them, about what they were? Does he want those times back just like Yunho?

For the rest of the ride, he listens to Jiwoo blabbering, talking about her toys and favorite plushies with excitement that only kids can have. Yunho talks back to her, making her laugh. Her little giggles make Hongjoong smile. “It’s been a while since she laughed like this.”

“Maybe we all can finally unwind a little, today,” Yunho says and Hongjoong glances at him, still smiling. “Maybe we can.”

Few minutes later Jiwoo stops mumbling and singing and the whole car falls quiet. Yunho looks over his shoulder to see Jiwoo asleep, head to the side, holding a little plush teddy bear to her chest. He chuckles and looks back. “She’s cute.”

“She really is,” Hongjoong nods. “I’m glad she’s getting better. She had to grow up super fast in the fast few months and I just want to give her part of her childhood back.” His eyes water but he quickly wipes the tears away. “If it wasn’t for her, I don’t know how I’d be holding up.”

“You can always come to me,” Yunho puts his hand on Hongjoong’s knee and can feel him relax a little. 

“Thank you, Yunho. You’re an amazing friend.”

 _Friend._ That’s all he is, that’s all he should be and should want to be. 

He puts on his best smile. “Always.”

****

Yunho wakes up just as the car stops. He slowly opens his eyes just as Hongjoong is getting out of the car to help Jiwoo. He gets out himself and tries to make himself look more presentable, looking around. They’re in the parking lot of an amusement park. Jiwoo then grabs Hongjoong’s hand and runs towards the gate, Yunho walking behind then with a soft smile on his face. They go on as many rides as they can, sometimes all three of them, sometimes only Jiwoo and Yunho because Hongjoong is a scaredy-cat. They walk around and Yunho takes pictures of them, to remember this day. 

Jiwoo gestures at him to lean down so he squats down. She takes his phone from his hand. “I’ll take a photo of you two!”

“Do you know how?” Yunho asks, hands slightly outstretched to catch his phone if it falls from Jiwoo’s small fingers. 

“I’m not a baby,” she pouts. “And uncle Hongjoong will be happy to have another photo of you!” Yunho nods and steps away, still eyeing his way too expensive phone. Hongjoong pulls him to his side, his small hand resting on the small of Yunho’s back. He’s warm, so warm. Yunho almost starts trembling. He smiles for the camera and as soon as he hears the telltale click, he lets go and takes his phone from Jiwoo. 

“Thank you.”

She looks proud of herself and runs to Hongjoong, tugging on his sleeve, asking him for a waffle. Yunho buys a waffle for all of them and Jiwoo gets even more excited when she’s served a giant waffle with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. 

When they’re leaving, her nice clothes have choline fingerprints all over and she’s even more hyper, running around and laughing, obviously high on sugar rush. Hongjoong runs to her and lifts her up, both giggling and screaming as he puts her on her shoulders and spins. Yunho stares at them fondly, carrying the plushies they bought her. They pass a group of foreigners and Yunho’s heart drops when he hears one of them say _such a cute family_ in English. Hongjoong turns around and winks at him. He heard.

Soon enough, the sugar rush fizzles out and she, once again, falls asleep, still on Hongjoong’s shoulders, her forehead pressed against the crown of Hongjoong’s head. Slowly, they leave the park, returning to the car. Hongjoong carefully puts Jiwoo into her car seat, fastens her seatbelt and gets behind the wheel. 

“I’m hungry, are you?”

“What do you want?” Yunho asks him as they leave the parking lot behind. 

“McDonald's,” he replies with a grin. “I’ve been trying to eat healthy to teach Jiwoo to eat her veggies. But I’m sick of it. I want a cheeseburger.” So he starts driving to a McDonald’s drive-through, Very much obviously excited to eat something else than steamed broccoli and pasta.

They talk during the ride, about plans for the next few days, about work and even their favorite McDonald’s items. It’s comfortable, familiar. 

****

Hongjoong gets them their unhealthy, greasy cheeseburgers and they eat them in the parking lot, Jiwoo still asleep in the backseat. 

It reminds Yunho of all those nights in college that they spent exactly like this, it reminds him of all those times they drove here late at night, laughed and ate food that wasn’t even that good. It reminds Yunho all those times they ended up kissing in the backseat until their jaws hurt, lips swollen and red and the aftertaste of meat lingering in the back of their mouths. 

Hongjoong looks at him as if he can read his mind and smiles. “You remember too, don’t you?”

“I can’t forget,” Yunho admits. “It feels like yesterday when we ran away from our own wedding to get McDonald’s.”

“My mother was furious,” Hongjoong laughs. 

“And then you offered her one of the burgers,” the younger adds. “It was so bizarre she started laughing.”

They finish their food and Hongjoong drives him home. That night, Yunho hugs his pillow wishing it was Hongjoong and he chokes up on tears. 

As he unlocks his phone to set up an alarm for the following morning, he decides to look through the photos from the amusement park and sighs as he finds the photo Jiwoo took. They look happy. Hongjoong looks happy. 

He locks the phone again and buries his face into the pillow. This was a bad idea.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, yes, i am in fact still alive! My apologies for the belated update, real life got into the way.   
> I hope you still like the way this turned out.

“What are you doing for the holidays?”

Yunho is sprawled on the couch, his phone pressed to his ear, the TV just a background noise. He scratches his chin and shrugs before he realizes that Hongjoong can’t see him. “I don’t know, hyung. Probably stay with my parents? Actually, no, they’re leaving to Europe few days prior.” The weather got significantly colder in the past few weeks. Yunho can still barely believe that it’s finally winter. It feels like yesterday when Hongjoong hopped back into his life. 

A lot has changed. He’s spending a lot of time with his ex husband and his niece, they got really close, again, but they’re both fighting it, Yunho can tell. It’s hard to let himself have hope that  _ this time _ , it will work out. There’s no point in denying that they’re attracted to each other, that never changed, and the absence of hatred from the divorce makes things a little more difficult for them and easier for unwanted feelings to find their way back in.

“Why don’t you spend it with me and Jiwoo? It’s gonna be only the two us, we’d appreciate your company.” A pause. “I’d appreciate your company.”

Yunho’s heart starts beating thousand miles per hour. He waits for the steady thrum in his ears to die down a little before he replies: “That could be really nice, hyung. I have some presents for you anyway.”

“For me?”

“Jiwoo, mostly,” he laughs. He spent many hours browsing the internet as well as the shops in the city, trying to find a perfect presents for a child he’s not that close to. But he cares about her. He also bought something for Hongjoong. He got used to buying him gifts ever since they became friends and even after they separated, he often found himself picking up pieces that Hongjoong would enjoy. 

Something about purchasing a present for his ex husband stirred something in his guts and he felt odd melancholy. Deep ache seated in his heart, knowing Hongjoong wanted him around. Mostly because he knows that his hyung sees him only as a friend and he’s well aware that this is what they’re supposed to be, but he’d lie to himself if he said that that’s all what he wants them to be.

“So can I count you in?” Hongjoong asks, interrupting Yunho’s train of thoughts. 

“Sure! Should I bring something?”

“Only your butt over here in time. Oh, and wine would be nice.”

Yunho still remembers what kind of wine his ex enjoys. To him, knowing things about Hongjoong is like riding a bike. No matter how long he hasn’t used that knowledge, it’s still there, he can’t forget. “Will do.” His ex husband laughs a little before clearing his throat. “Okay. All set then. We’ll look towards seeing you again.” Yunho nods, dumbly, before humming in response. They say their goodbyes and hang up. Yunho puts the phone on his stomach and covers his face with his palms. The TV is still playing, holiday commercials showing fake happy families, and Yunho can’t help but stare at the TV screen for a minute too long. They could be that. They could have been that. Sighing, he gets up from the couch and turns the TV off. 

****

In the many months of Hongjoong being back in Yunho’s life, this is the first time he’s at his place, Yunho realizes when Hongjoong opens the door, looking cuter than ever. He looks tiny in the oversized cream colored sweater, his hair looks freshly washed and soft and his smile is so wide his heart hurts. Yunho toes off his shoes before stepping into the apartment and hands the other man the bottle of wine he bought. 

“You still remember..?” It’s a half statement, half question, his voice is soft and little shaky. “Thanks, Yunho.” The younger man takes off his coat and hangs it up before following the shorter one to the kitchen connected to a dining room. It’s a big apartment, with two bedrooms and a loft, that kind that costs a lot to rent. Most of the space is connected, Yunho can see the living space area and the stairs leading up to the loft. It’s very modern, but still feels homey. 

“Jiwoo is napping so you can put the bag with the present behind the tree, I’ll take them out later.” So he does exactly that, spending a while by the tree, looking at it fondly. It looks like Hongjoong tried to make it fancy and worth of a Pinterest post, while there was bunch of not so aesthetic ornaments at the bottom, obviously put up by Jiwoo. 

“We had fun decorating it,” Hongjoong sits next to him and hands him a mug of something that smells like hot chocolate. “It has eggnog in it,” the older whispers and Yunho laughs and takes a sip. It’s not an unfamiliar taste, actually it’s something Hongjoong used to make for the two of them quite often, ever since college. It was their winter tradition, spiced hot chocolate, cuddling sessions on the couch and watching stupid Hollywood movies that were definitely not worth the hype. 

Even though it’s barely three in the afternoon, the sky slowly turns darker, the sunset changing blue to soft tones of pink and orange. Yunho and Hongjoong sit on the fluffy rug, hips and thighs touching, and they talk about everything and nothing at the same time. Hongjoong’s head is resting on Yunho’s shoulder but it doesn’t feel strange, invasive or wrong at this point. 

He hears a door creaking and as they both turn around, they notice Jiwoo rubbing her eyes sleepily.

Hongjoong hops up and makes her a hot chocolate too, while Yunho picks her up and holds her as they watch Hongjoong making the drink. She’s babbling about all the toys she asked for from Santa and Yunho gives himself a mental high five because he bought one of them. All three of them finish their drinks watching cartoons, cuddled up on the couch.

After the dinner, Hongjoong puts Jiwoo to bed and promises her that he’ll make sure Santa eats the cookies. As soon as she’s asleep, he comes back to Yunho and sits on the couch next to him while the younger man is browsing the TV channels. Finally, he stops on MTV and lowers the volume so they can talk but there’s still something playing in the background. 

“Will you stay the night?” Hongjoong asks. “You can take my bed up there on the loft and I’ll sleep on the couch. There’s a guest room but it’s full of crap that I didn’t sort out yet.”

“I’m fine on the couch though,” Yunho assures him. Hongjoong shakes his head. “We both know you’re not. The couch is not that big and you’re tall. Take the bed, it’s fine.” Yunho rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue with Hongjoong any further. 

“You look very nice today, by the way.” Yunho’s ex husband says suddenly. “Your outfit reminds me of the one you wore during our first Christmas together.” Yunho doesn’t mention that it’s on purpose. He’s surprised Hongjoong remembers it, though. 

“Hyung,” he lets out quietly. “Hyung do you ever think about-“ just as he’s about to finish his question, Hongjoong’s phone rings and he looks at Yunho apologetically. “It’s mom, sorry.”

He just smiles at him and watches his as he leaves to pick up.

He can’t believe that he really almost confessed. He really meant to ask if he had thought of them getting back together. How stupid of him. They have a nice friendship going on, why would he ruin it with feelings,  _ again  _ ? It’s not worthy. He will suppress his feelings but he doesn’t want to lose Hongjoong again. 

The said man hops on the couch next to him and leans into him, pushing them both down on the cushions. Yunho circles his arms around Hongjoong’s middle without thinking, holding him close so that he doesn’t fall down. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, perfect. What did you want to ask me?”

“I forgot,” Yunho lies. The older of the two hums and lies down on Yunho’s chest, snuggling into him. Yunho thinks he might explode. There’s no way Hongjoong doesn’t feel how fast his heart is beating. It feels like they’re in college all over again, where they used to cuddle all the time, coming up with poor excuses just to be close to each other.

His hand slides lower, to Hongjoong’s lower back and stay there, while his other hand keeps rubbing circles into his skin through his shirt. Hongjoong hums contently. It’s a nice moment that they’re both enjoying. Yunho could probably fall asleep. 

“Hey,” he can feel Hongjoong poking his side. “Let’s drink the wine you brought.” He laughs when Yunho groans and the vibrations go through Yunho’s whole body. 

“Alright alright old man, up!” Hongjoong takes Yunho hand and tries to help him to sit up. 

“You’re literally older.”

“Shut up, now that’s besides the point.” As they both get up from the couch, Yunho freezes, then looks at the TV. It sure is what he thought it was. He turns to volume up a little. “Hyung-“

The song holds so many memories for them. It was the song they danced their first dance to as husbands. George Michael’s voice is both soothing to his ears and painful to his heart. Hongjoong smiles, a little sad. “It made me think of you every time I heard it ever since we got divorced.” He hands him a glass of wine. “Something like this never loses its meaning, does it.”

Yunho takes a sip, looking into his hyung’s eyes. There’s something in his look that he can’t quite distinguish. “Hyung-“

“Come here, Yunho.” He spreads his arms a little and Yunho steps into his personal bubble, holding him around the waist while Hongjoong puts his hands on his shoulders. Immediately, they start swaying from side to side. Yunho closes his eyes and focuses on the lyrics of the song. He remembers learning the words, looking up their meaning, and then he sang them quietly into Hongjoong’s ears as they were dancing. He finds himself doing exactly the same now. 

Hongjoong grabs fistfuls of Yunho’s sweater and presses their bodies closer as they continue swaying their hips, Yunho leading them while they move in the living room. He can picture their first dance so vividly that he’s not sure what’s the reality and what’s a memory. Is Hongjoong’s scent really this nice or is it changed by his memories? Are they really this close? And what about the lips on his neck? Are those his husband’s or ex husband’s? 

He forces himself to open his eyes and looks at Hongjoong, who looks like he’s about to start crying. 

“Hyung,” he cups his cheek with one hand, caressing his cheekbone with his thumb. “Don’t cry.”

“Why weren’t we like this few years ago, Yunho?” His voice breaks at the end, it makes Yunho sad.

“We were different people then. Your job was more important to you and I was too big of a coward to actually tell how I feel. We let the miscommunication destroy us.”

“I… didn’t care about my job more than I cared about you, Yunho,” Hongjoong says. “I loved you with my whole person. I was just trying to provide for us. We wanted to have a family, remember? But I got caught up and before I realized, I was spending more time in my office than I did with you. But I loved you.”

“So did I. I loved you so much.” The song slowly comes to an end but they don’t stop moving. Yunho’s breath hitches when he notices that their faces are only inches apart. 

“I missed you,” Hongjoong breathes out and with that, Yunho leans down and kisses him. It’s frantic, too much tongue, spit and teeth but then Hongjoong moans into the kiss and Yunho groans. He picks him up by the back of his thighs, pushing him into the couch, fitting in between his legs. They’re both desperate at this point, biting each other’s lips, their hands everywhere. It’s been years but Hongjoong still tastes just like Yunho remembers. His memories blend with what he’s experiencing now, every kiss feels as new as it feels familiar. Hongjoong whimpers in the way he’s always had, needy and almost adorable in its desperation. It’s only when Hongjoong starts grinding against his hip bone when he finally comes back to his senses.

“We’re gonna wake Jiwoo up.”

“She’s a heavy sleeper,” the older of the two mumbles, chasing after Yunho’s lips. “Gosh, kiss me again.” Yunho presses a soft kiss to his lips. 

“We shouldn’t….do this without thinking. Hyung, we’ve already been through this once.” It hurts him to say that, but he must. For the sake of both of them. “Let’s sleep and see how we feel in the morning, okay?” They’re both emotional, the song got the best out of them. He helps his hyung back onto his feet and holds his for a second too long. “I’ll take the couch.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Hongjoong shakes his head. “We’re sharing a bed.” He tugs on his sleeve and drags him up the stairs and up to the loft, then he pushes him on the mattress that is there instead of a whole bed.

“Take your clothes off, I wanna cuddle and you’d get hot.” Yunho wants to protest but Hongjoong doesn’t give him a chance. They get under the covers and Hongjoong leans closer to him, kissing his lips one last time before lying down. He falls asleep fairly quickly, whereas Yunho keeps staring at the ceiling. 

After an hour of sleep nowhere to be found, he goes back down and takes a bite of the cookies Jiwoo prepared for Santa. Then he sits on the couch and switches the channel on the TV that’s still playing. He ends up watching a horror movie and falls asleep not so long after.

****

When he wakes up, the sky is still dark but there’s a weight on his chest, a whole Hongjoong pressed to him. He slowly wakes up to and smiles at Yunho who looks confused. 

“You left. I was lonely.”

“Hyung-“

“I woke up and still want you, by the way,” Hongjoong interrupts him. “Please, I can’t lose you once again, not now when I know what is it like to be without you. And it sucks Yunho. And now you’re back in my life and all these months I’ve finally felt whole again.” Yunho’s fingers start going up and down Hongjoong’s hip without him even realizing. “Jiwoo loves you. And I-“

Yunho covers his mouth. No, not yet. The feelings are still there but he’s not ready to hear ir again just yet. 

Hongjoong licks his palm and Yunho gasps at the feeling of his slick tongue. 

“Fuck, Hongjoong,” he hisses out. “Baby.”

It’s Hongjoong’s turn to let out a choked sound. His hips start slowly moving against Yunho’s, who holds him closely grinding up into him. 

They kiss and neither of them cares about their morning breath, they’re too turned on to care. Fortunately, they’re both just in their underwear so it doesn’t take too long for them to get completely naked. Hongjoong moans at the skin on skin contact and Yunho takes both of their cocks into his hand, stroking them. Hongjoong’s breath is hot on his shoulders where he buried his head, biting gently at the skin there. They’re both leaking like crazy and it makes the glide smoother but also makes the sounds more obscene. Yunho is just about ready to blow his load all over his hand when Hongjoong turns around, face down and ass up and even in the dark, Yunho can see damn well what Hongjoong looks like. Hard, desperate mess. Without much further thoughts, he kneels behind him and laps at his hole, reveling in the sounds Hongjoong makes. He runs tongue over his entrance over and over again. His hyung is pushing his ass back into his face so Yunho has to hold him around his waist to keep him in place. It shouldn’t be this hot but it is. His other hand is working over his dick and soon enough, they both finish, making a mess on the poor couch. Yunho holds Hongjoong as the older slowly comes down from his post coital bliss and then helps him in the shower.

****

They share few kisses as Jiwoo opens up her presents, her face lit up with pure excitement and happiness. 

And when she’s taking her nap after lunch, Yunho sits Hongjoong on his lap and runs his fingers through his hair. Hongjoong looks beautiful as ever, without even trying. 

“Are you sure about this, hyung?”

“About us? I’ve never been more sure of anything. Can we just.. try again? Please?”

It takes few more weeks of serious talks, romantic dates and way too domestic dinners before they make it official. It seems like no one is surprised. 

Yunho finally finds a buyer of the house and comes over to Hongjoong’s place to tell him, only to find the older man asleep on the couch, covered head to toe with a blanket. He looks even softer than usual. Yunho runs his finger along the line of his jaw, overtaken by his emotions. “I love you,” he whispers. In the quiet apartment, it sounded deafening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: I deleted my RPF twitter account! I still have my personal so if you wanna talk there, lemme know and I’ll give you the link / my @ (:

**Author's Note:**

> [tt](https://mobile.twitter.com/oreob1tch) and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/_candystyx_)


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